Thoughts for: Wednesday 2nd August 2006
Money? We don't do money here, we're the bank. :: [13:53:36]Gah. Simply gah. What is the world coming to exactly when you go to the bank with a big ass amount of money and say "I want to put this into an account" and they say "We don't do that". I mean what the hell? How can a bank not want to take your money? It's MONEY. You know the stuff, little flat bits of metal with the queens head on. MONEY. Money goes in the bank. But apparently only if it's in paper form these days. Clever that. I don't know what the problem is. No matter where I went the case was the same. Too much change. Apparently you need to fill out forms if it's in coins. FORMS?! Because it's COINS?! It's fucking MONEY there's not a lot of bloody damn fucking difference whether it's paper or metal now is there? Is there? What is going on at these banks? Are the staff so entirely retarded that not only do they run a risk of drowning upon their own drool but they cannot even grasp the basic principle of a little thing called counting? It really is rather simple you know, I've seen rats do it afterall. Hell, Mr Fucking Ed' could do it!
Maybe I should just take the coins, put them in a sack, go into the bank, beat the staff to death with it, steal a fuckload of money (In note form seeing as apparently it's not money unless it's made of paper) Then come in when they have replaced the staff (probably with even more creatures which seem to be some kind of mutant cabbage that has learned to imitate humans in appearance if nothing else) and FINALLY get them to take my fucking money because it's in note form instead of coinage. Seriously, WTF? Could you imagine this happening in the past? "Yes, I will take that stallion, here are your yaks." The storekeeper of course sighs and shakes his head "Yaks? You're having a laugh arn't you mate? Yaks? I can't change Yaks.. It's little bits of parchment that say 'I owe you 1 Yak' or nothing mate." to which of course the customer replies "But why would you want a piece of paper saying I owe you a yak when I have the yak right here?" to which the storekeep would reply but he's being eaten by a yak.
See what they have done? Their mind boggling stupidity and inability to recognise currency has broken my brain. Man eating yaks? Madness. Or is it? Maybe I should genetically engineer some man eating yaks and loose them in the bank. That would sort the fuckers out. Afterall those who say you can't put a round peg in a square hole are simply not taking to the task with full conviction. The other good one was that I would need an appointment. A fucking appointment to put money into the bank?! What's that all about? It's like phoning up a shop and making an appointment to buy something. "Hello, Asda? Yeah, I would like to come in and buy a can of coke. I just thought I would let you know in advance, afterall your sole purpose of existing is so that people can come in buy things, but you never know, you might not want to do your job today so I thought I would phone you and warn you in advance that I will be entering your shop, picking up a can of Coca-Cola, walking in a reasonably straight line to the checkout where I will place it upon one of those tiny little conveyor belts and watch it rumble down where I shall hello to your member of staff then proceed to watch as she scans said item and then, finally I shall pay for it and leave. So yeah, I just thought I would let you know. Ok? Yep. So you are making the preparations now? Oh good." Don't know about you but I can't ever see myself having to do that. So why the fuck do I need an appointment to put money in the bank? The two situations are pretty fucking comparible. It's like stepping onto a bus and the driver saying "Sorry mate, you didn't make an appointment so I'm not equipped to deal with you right now".
Enough, I can't take it anymore. I'm gone.
:: [13:00:23]This has been a popular email forward for a while not, so I thought I would put it up for prosperities sake. I agree with some of the things, but certainly not others. It's all in good humour.
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.